BILLINGSGATE POST - How long has it been going on? News that the Justice Department had tapped the phones of more than twenty reporters working for the Associated Press didn't surprise anyone, least of all, Dr. Billingsgate.
The BILLINGSGATE POST, a conservative not-for-profit enterprise since it first started losing money in 2007, has undergone at least six different IRS audits after publishing various reports linking Barack Obama with such Notary Sojacs as Major Amos B. Hoople, Foghorn Leghorn, Sergio Garcia and Mr. Ed.
Not surprisingly, the first audit was conducted by a seductively dressed, pinch-mouthed prude who attempted to inveigle Dr. Billingsgate into a compromising situation by posing as a black-veiled widow searching for a replacement for her deceased husband's member.
Just recently I was contacted by a plump, liturgically dressed tranvestite claiming to be a polytheistic Internal Revenue agent. This beatific guise lasted only long enough for him/her to slam me in the buttocks from behind as I attempted to lift the hem of the Quaker length dress that hid the very item(s) that would offer conclusive proof of the sexual orientation of said agent's package.
NOTE: Dr. Billingsgate is currently in hiding, wearing his dog's Thunder Coat to avoid future anxiety attacks.