Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 14 May 2013

image for President Obama Says Lindsay Lohan Texted Him Asking That He Issue A Rehab Clinic Pardon
President Obama provided the White House press corps with a copy of Lindsay Lohan's text message to him.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama held a White House press conference to inform the news media on the upcoming Health Care reforms that deal with American citizens over the age of 90.

After he covered that subject he was asked if the rumor that he had received a text message from Lindsay Lohan was true.

The president smiled as he shook his head.

"Now how in the world did you find that out?" He asked.

He was told that it had come from a little birdie.

The president took a sip of water as he confessed that he had in fact received a text message from the Hollywood starlet who is presently serving a 90 day stay at The Henry & Betty Ford Rehab Clinic in Los Angeles.

President Obama then passed out copies of her text to him to the assembled reporters.

This is Lindsay Lohan's text message to President Obama. The text message appears verbatim and not one word has been changed or corrected.

Dear Mr. President Obama, As u pretty well know since I am sure u check the Internet news on a daily basis, I am currently at Henry and Betty Ford's Rehab Clinic.

I hate this place with a passion. I cannot smoke, or drink, or even cuss. I feel like I am a prisoner at Alcatrash Prison.

U sir have no idea how awful it is 2 be a very famous Hollywood starlet like me and be treated like u are O.J. Simpson.

Please talk 2 the director of this place and tell her 2 give me a pardon from this place before I do something stupid 2 myself or someone else.

Take care sir and say hi 2 ur wife and 2 ur 2 beautiful daughters who I will be sending autographs 2 as soon as u tell them 2 set me free.

Luv always,
Lindsay Lohan, (actress).

In Other News. Sales of The Kobe Bryant Bobblehead Doll have fallen off by 90 percent.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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