Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 16 May 2013

image for The Pennsylvania State Senate Unanimously Bans Twerking
A crowd at a Pompous Pizza Parlor parking lot in Philadelphia cheering on half a dozen twerkers.

HARRISBURG, Pennsylvania - The State of Pennsylvania has become the first one in the nation to ban the new fad known as Twerking.

The state senate voted 50-0 to outlaw the practice and issue heavy fines to individuals caught doing what Senator Concordia Shillinfeister, 51, [R-Pittsburgh] called, the most illicit thing I have seen since the days of the Lambada.

The senator was asked to define the term. She replied that according to Dalrymple's Dictionary, "Twerking is a dance move that involves a male or female gyrating their hips and butt in a fast, illicit up and down sexually suggestive bouncing motion."

Senator Shillinfeister noted that Twerking is the closest thing to actually having sex without having sex since the individuals are clothed and are not really touching each other.

The state of Pennsylvania has stated that the fine for anyone caught doing the illicit dance in the state will be $925 for the first offense and $6,600 for the second offense.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: It is my understanding that Twerking has already been banned in 29 countries including Laos, Costa Rica, Egypt, and Dutch West Wakaboonka.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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