"An ill wind that blows no good," states The Raleigh News & Observer in todays morning edition reporting the following event:
Approximately two hundred demonstrators gathered on the steps of the State Capitol building this morning to demonstrate their support for a new initiative to stop fracking in the state and replace it with an alternative energy source; Fart Farms. With shouts of,"Rather Fart than Fracked," and, "T.J.---T.J.--- how many farts did you save today," they clapped and cheered as State Senator T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg outlined hia new fart initiative to solve the state's energy problems.
"Rather fart than frack," shouted McCorkle as the crowd cheered. "We don't need the Koch brothers or any other fancy pants outsiders to tell us what to do with our natural resources! We don't need foreigners to come in and foul our nest," he paused, "we can foul our own nest jes like we be doing for hundreds of years! With the developed technology we can install units in every household, every church, every public building and every tavern in the state to capture our own natural resource. Cousin Bubba McCorkle over in little Centerville can supply enough energy from one twelve-pack of Coors Light on a Saturday night to light up his entire little town for a month. One pork and bean church social could supply enough energy to light Louisburg for a week," he paused, "and even my old dog Moose could probably run our TV for an entire night if you could jes stand being in the room. "NO," he shouted, It's time to get the sneaky fart out of the lonliness and obscurity of a crowded elevator and into its own rightful place in society and it's time for the bold and regal fart to stop being the poor relative to a good healthy shit!" The crowd cheered wildly.
McCorkle concluded, "So listen up all of you who would bring fracking to our beautiful and pristine state, go frack yourselves and the horse you rode in on!" As supporters cheered, McCorkle was escorted from the stage by a local Boy Scout troop and a contingent from the 3F--- The Farting Famers of Franklin County.
The Raleigh News & Observer concluded in a front page editorial; On close observance, it appears that once again Senator T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg is just blowing smoke.