The DUI Gazette - Instead of sitting politely and waiting for the police officer to reach her automobile, (after being stopped by the officer's flashing lights and sirens for driving on the wrong side of the street) Reese Witherspoon leaned out of the passenger's window, waist high, and yelled at the cop, "I can't believe that you're stopping us," or something like that, echoing actor Mel Gibson's rant during his DUI stop in Beverly Hills, (which was satirized in a Spoof article, by K.C. Bell, using Big Bird as the tipsy driver).
Wow, all that in one sentence? Pretty good!
Editor's note: Not really.
As he cuffed her hands behind her back, she demanded: "Do you know who I am?" He wore a smoky the bear wide brimmed hat and indicated that he didn't know and didn't care. "Well, you're in for a big surprise!"
Only if the five-foot actress had magically materialized into the near six and a half foot Barack Obama would that officer have been, "surprised".
However, unlike Mel Gibson, Ms. Witherspoon did not blame her situation on, "the Jews".
Her mug shot was rather Madonna like, (not the performer, but the mother of Christ) with eyes cast downward, and apparently, the whole experience turned her hair from blond to brown. This is possible?
A few days later, after the story hit the Internet, papers, television, water coolers, Joe's garage, but before the premiere of her new film, Ms. Witherspoon issued a televised apology, confessing her embarrassment, adding that some of her family were in police enforcement. Sort of hope there's a "47% are moochers" camera to record the next family Thanksgiving reunion.
The consensus felt that America's Sweetheart was truly humbled and embarrassed and made a sincere apology. Her DUI should be gone with the wind.
Ms. Witherspoon never suggested that "fire water" or "white lightening" made her behave in that way, but the lady is an Academy Award winning actress. She could switch from humble and embarrassed, to a screaming: "No more wire hangers, ever!" Or, "Do you know who I am?"
Editor's note: Ayeee!