Written by Sal Manella
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Topics: Shooting

Sunday, 12 May 2013

image for Workplace Shooting in Kansas
Thorne survived being shot 206 times!

The epidemic of gun violence in America continues unabated. The most recent incident occurred this past Friday at the Acme Widget and Wingding factory in Schnottville, Kansas.

What seemed at first to be a typical Friday at the factory turned deadly when twenty-seven heavily armed and thoroughly disgruntled workers arrived at precisely 8:00 am and opened fire on one of their co-workers.

The victim, twenty-four year old Richard Drake Thorne IV, was described by many of the workers as a complete jerk that nobody liked.

Despite the fact that Thorne suffered 206 gunshot wounds, he is expected to survive, according to hospital spokesperson Jenna Talia.

The gunmen, who turned the guns on themselves after shooting Thorne, were described by fellow employees as "loners who kept to themselves."

Despite the synchronous shooting there is no evidence of a conspiracy among the shooters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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