Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 10 May 2013

image for The Cleveland Hero, Charles Ramsey Deserves Big Macs For Life
A photo of a Big Mac just like the one that Charles Ramsey was eating when he heard Amanda Berry's screams.

CLEVELAND - There is probably no one in the United States of America who has not seen the video of Cleveland's Charles Ramsey explaining his role in rescuing Amanda Berry, her daughter, and the other two girls who were held captive by a crazy mad man for ten years.

As the cameras rolled the Chuckster, as his friends and family call him, explained how he became involved in the nation's number one story.

Chucky, as Vice-President Joe Biden, referred to him in a White House press conference, said that he was minding his own business, sitting on his porch, watching a rerun of Gilligan's Island while eating a McDonald's Big Mac when he heard a young white girl's voice.

At first he said he thought that it was Mary Ann yelling at Gilligan to stop touching her hair since he had just finished filleting a jellyfish for dinner.

But he soon realized that it was not Mary Ann. He said he quickly finished his Big Mac and fries and ran over to where the white girl's voice was coming from.

He said he broke the door open with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat that he conveniently found in the yard.

And as soon as he did the little white girl jumped into his arms and started saying thank you! thank you so much Kanye.

He quickly corrected her and told her that his name was Charles and not Kanye. He then commented that he hates Kanye and has ever since that time at an award show when West The Pest had taken Taylor Swift's microphone away from her on live television.

Charles said that right away Amanda could smell the Big Mac on him and asked if he had another one handy. He said that he didn't but told her that if she wanted he would run over to the Golden Arches and fetch her one to go.

SIDENOTE: Cleveland Police Sergeant Rocco Telltavini says that since Mr. Ramsey's video has gone viral, it has probably been viewed by 100 million people world-wide. He then said that Chucky has provided McDonald's with literally millions and millions of dollars in free advertisement and suggested that Mickey D's should give him Big Mac's for life.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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