A heretofore unknown flaw in the Promotion Procedure in the Department of Defense, has elevated Charley "Oops" Parkinson to head one of the most sensitive units in the agency. To a certain extent, Oops will have his finger on the "red button" which could start a war, or worse, end civilization as we know it today.
Parkinson recently headed up the "Suspicious Mail" division of the Post Office Department and was personally responsible for detecting "foreign" substances in a number of envelopes received by prominent politicians in Washington. It was unfortunate that he accidentally dropped three of the envelopes, spreading a dreaded virus throughout the room. Seven were hospitalized, five have been released and the remaining two are in ICU at Walter Reed Hospital.
In a recent interview, Oops was quoted as saying, "Accidents happen, yea, maybe I've had more than my share, OK, a lot more. Sorry, I didn't mean to spill that hot coffee on you, I can tell by your reaction that it was really hot. Now, where were we, (muffled voices) I thought you were holding the mike, eeww, are those camera expensive?"
Parkinson will take over his new duties at the AEC in thirty days. He is currently teaching a class in "Safe Handling" at the Bomb Disposal training facility in Yuma, Arizona.
In a telephone interview, Oops stated, "I look forward to having my finger on the red button, .... sorry, I dropped the phone."