Written by b kenneth mcgee
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Topics: Wayne LaPierre

Monday, 6 May 2013

Wayne LaPierre, Chairman of the NRA spoke to a wildly enthusiastic crowd of supporters over the weekend. Speaking in front of a US flag as big as the state of Kansas, LaPierre exhorted his supporters to, "Stand up, put your baseball caps on backwards and show America's elite who really cares about this county!"

As the starry eyed crowd clapped and cheered LaPierre challenged them to, "Show these media elites and college snobs who is in control of this great country. They think that anyone with an IQ lower than eighty-three is stupid!" He paused as the crowd whooped and hollered, "NO WAY!"

LaPierre raised his fist in the air and shouted, "I guarantee you this; you and I will not rest until every man, and woman and child in this great country is capable of shooting their way into heaven!" The crowd exploded in wild cheers. LaPierre held up his hand to calm them and then finished in a voice that grew to a crescendo as he finished; "And I promise you this," he paused for effect and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I will not rest, I will not falter, I will not quit until I have personally urinated on a copy of the Sunday edition of The New York Times!"

As the crowd cheered and LaPierre was Carried from the hall on the shoulders of supporters, he suddenly and without apparent reason started to chant," Go Nads! Go Nads!"

A reporter from the New York Times turned to a colleague and was heard to remark, "I guess that's what it's all about Alfie."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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