Written by Spicewood
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Tuesday, 30 April 2013

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The FBI revealed today that more DNA had been found on bomb fragments found at the scene of the Boston Bombing. Three of them so far have been identified as employees at a mega-mart in upstate New York, a telemarketer from India, and four from a "sweat shop" operation in ZinZin, China.

Apparently one smudge was that of Katherine Russell, wife of Tamerlan Tsarnaev, one of the bombers. Further analysis revealed the possibility that their Mother and Father were also involved, along with three cousins who were studying at MIT and an uncle and aunt who are living on welfare in Palm Beach, Florida. "Vee lube eet oon te oceaann here." the aunt stated when approacched, "Gaaawd bleees Merica an I know nutting."

Surprisingly, one smudge was analyzed to be that of Anthony Weiner, former Representative from New York. Michelle Armbruster, lab assistant at the FBI lab that was analyzing the smudge stated, "When I saw who and what it was, I was shocked, I knew about him, I accidentally dropped it on the floor, God knows what it might have been." Weiner has been ruled out as a suspect, on this case.

Further analysis is being pursued. One lab assistant who did not want to be identified would not speak with our reporter.

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