Written by Kevin Murphy
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Sunday, 28 April 2013

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"Hey Gilbert, I got this"

Washington DC-  President Obama shocked the crowd at the White House Correspondents dinner by going where no president, Republican or Democrat, had ever gone before.  Obama went blue.

Not since the Friar's club roast of Hugh Hefner has anyone dared to ascend a dais and tell this joke, but our commander-in-chief stormed the podium and went for it.

"Elizabeth Warren walks into the well of the Senate and says "Have I got an act for you, its a financial act". 

"What do they do?" Joe Biden asks.

 "Well first the banker comes in and pays you no interest on your savings account while charging you fees to store your money, spend your money and find out how much money you have. Then a loan officer gets on stage and writes you a 500 page mortgage that will put you into forclosure 90 days after closing, while a derivatives expert bundles that mortgage into a security that they sell to thier clients while taking out a credit default swap so they profit when the instrument fails. Then a credit card company offers you a 0% APR card that charges 30% interest on all purchases and destroys your credit score because your 72 month car loan, your 30% APR credit card and your mortgage company all expect to be paid first after the hospital puts a lien on your liver because yor insurance compoany lists alive as a preexisting condition. Then the big commercial brokerages destroy the stock market so your retirement ends up being worthless, and all those bundled bad mortgages end up in forclosure destroying the value of your home. So the banker f***s the consumer, the insurance company f***s the consumer, the loan officer f***s the consumer, the derivates market f***s the consumer, the repo man f***s the consumer, the credit card company f***s the consumer, and Wall street f***s the consumer! Then they all get off the poor battered and bloodied consumer who's paying more taxes than any of these guys, stand up and take a bailout from the Fed!" 

"My God" the Vice President says "what an awful disgusting act! What do they call themselves?"

"The Aristocrats!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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