Written by El Capitaz
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Tuesday, 23 April 2013

image for Hundreds of Boston residents missing--presumed Sheltering In Place
Shelter in Pieces

Boston, MA - Authorities report that hundreds--perhaps thousands--of Boston residents are still hunkered down, in hiding due to orders to "Shelter In Place".

"Ahhyup, lots a folks just haven't got the word, that it's safe to come back out" confirmed Sergeant Patrick O'connor, a thirty year veteran of the Boston Police.

"We started getting lots a missing persons calls. Upon investigating, we keep finding people hiding. Most are relived when we tell them the crisis is over and they can come out.

A few have been so scared, they refuse; one lady was locked in her basement, said she wouldn't come out until President Obama came on TV and said it was OK. But her TV was upstairs, and she wouldn't leave her basement; well we knew there was no way to reassure her.

So we had to lob a couple a flash-bang bombs down there. That disoriented her enough so we could safely kick in her basement door and drag her outa there. "

How long would it take, we asked, to contact all the persons sheltering in place, and get them to come back out and rejoin society?

"We'll that's kinda hard to say" mused Sergeant O'Connor. "Remember that Japanese soldier, who never got the word that WWII was over? He was out there in the jungle all alone, still fighting the war for decades. I'm afraid we might see the same thing here.

Maybe years from now, there could be a fire or something, and the rescue workers will probably find a few lost souls still hunkered down, sheltering in place. It is for the best though...they might miss out on a lot. But at least they will be safe!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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