New York -- Distinguished former Congressman Anthony Weiner is testing the waters for a run for mayor, releasing a multi-level plan that would return this metropolis to its Fun City roots.
For openers, the proposal would bring back the grit and grime of Times Square, and includes funding for the conversion of three theaters there into peep show palaces. "We would also erect more strip clubs throughout the city and remove the lap dance tax so these establishments can again be profitable," a campaign booklet said.
Weiner distinguished himself two years ago by taking pornographic pictures of himself and texting the shots to unsuspecting women. Then he tried to cover up the bizarre behavior with lies that corrupted the integrity of his Congressional office.
The resulting uproar cost him his political career, but maybe not. Weiner's Fun City plan takes advantage of his experience as a sleaze and digital stalker, offering voters some added value attributes that other candidates simply do not possess.
"Qf course, the main objective of this plan is job creation," the brochure said. "By cleaning up Times Square, we lost an entire generation of lap performers, pole dancers and prostitutes. Mayor Anthony Weiner would bring those professions back into the city's economy."
The centerpiece of the would-be mayor's concept is the development of a 269 acre combination adult amusement park and pornography production facility called Weiner World.
"This would be the first-ever clothing optional entertainment complex," the campaign brochure stated. "The plan is to build it in Staten Island, turning a landfill into a goldmine."
Other major recommendations of the blueprint would revoke Mayor Bloomberg's nanny reforms.
"Smoke all you want, wherever you want," the Weiner pamphlet advises. "What do we care? Die young and help solve our Medicare problem."
Similarly, the plan encourages the use of oversize beverage containers. "In fact, the larger the soda, the less the tax. We want people to enjoy the full bouquet of their high fructose corn syrup."
Surprisingly, prohibitions on narcotics and other controlled substances remain Intact under the Weiner plan. "That will keep organized crime profitable," the campaign literature said. "We're also going to revive Take a Thug to Lunch Day to keep the lines of communications open."
Weiner had originally released a 64 point plan on ways to restore the city as a place for middle-class families. It was largely ignored, with critics who did read the offering describing its recommendations as "political clichés."
In contrast, Anthony Weiner's Fun City proposal has gotten rave reviews and may soon be converted into a major motion picture.
"We looked long and hard for an idea that will make this city stand up and notice. We believe the concept is now at hand."