Washington DC- After much navel gazing, a great deal of market research,and millions of dollars worth of tarot and palm readings,The RNC has come to the only logical conclusion.
The Republican brand is un-salvageable.
Therefore, RNC chairman Reince Priebus, announced on FoxNews that "The GOP, would be entering GOB." Over the next 90 days, billions of dollars worth of stale ideas, hateful rhetoric, regressive economic policies and elephant motif merchandise will enter the free and totally unregulated market, in the biggest political liquidation sale since the Know-Nothings.
Priebus has also been busy trying to secure venture capital for what he hopes will be a successful relaunch of the Whig Party. Charles and David Koch, Sheldon Adelson, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck and Roger Ailles have all signed on as investors in this new conservative party.
From the "New Whig Prospectus" that was published by WikiLeaks this afternoon:
"The Whig label is ideal because it has historical cache but no one remembers what they stood for. Since we completely eliminated civics and history lessons in the public schools under "No Child Left Behind", we should have no problem convincing minorities and young people that The Whigs were the "cool, hip party of the 18th and early 19th centuries.
As a bonus, The Whig trademarks, logos, and other intellectual property are all in the public domain at this point, therefore the start-up costs are minimal.
It is our intention to use the Whig brand to present a new conservative alternative. By consolidating all the Obama hatred, along with all the current anti-Republican sentiment,we should be able to get the American people to sign on for the new feudalism, and the complete subjugation of women and minorities, that the founding fathers truly had in mind when they wrote the constitution.
And once we've seized control of the government, we are guaranteeing a 125 to 1 return on investment for our "Donors" "