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Friday, 12 April 2013

image for Angelina Jolie discovers a way to reduce crime
"I don't want to marry a gay anymore, I found a better wife."

Angelina Jolie attended the G8 Foreign Ministers meeting in London, where she insisted that crimes against women was "not a women's issue" but a "global issue", particularly focusing on a method to halt crimes that affect women.

Jolie suggested to Secretary Williams Hague that Britain and other nations should legalize marriage between specially bred female dogs and human men to prevent men from getting desperate for women.

She showed Hague a picture of a man walking a small female dog while the dog pulls out it's tongue to make fun of a woman walking alone down the street without a boyfriend.

In South American countries it's legal for men to marry female donkeys, so they can keep away from young women. The idea has reduced crimes against women in South America and it may very well work for western countries Jolie told an audiences at the meeting.

Jolie's quotes were tweeted by the Human Rights and Communications team at the Foreign & Commonwealth Office.

At the meeting it was suggested that female dogs should have their genes infused with human DNA, so they could have soft human skin and they can smell like human females instead of wet dogs. Other parts of her body will resemble a human female to make the attraction stronger for men.

The female dogs could be bred to get rid of their aggression and barking, leaving them timid and caring. Their intelligence can also be increased to a human I.Q. of 170 and they can also be developed to speak and understand human language.

"Hundreds of thousands of women and children will be saved by this intelligent innovation. Now crimes are avoidable," she said.

Angelina joined Hague in announcing £24 million in additional funding from the G8 foreign ministers to help the issue and to begin altering the DNA of female dogs. The mother-of-six, who is a special envoy for the UN High Commission on Refugees, has welcomed the "long overdue stand" on marriage between human men and female dogs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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