Washington - "He's the only one with the stomach for it, Mr President," a White House aide said today as Dennis Rodman drew the short straw to represent his country at the Brit despot's funeral next week.
Rodman will mingle with a curious ragbag of foreign dignitaries at the St Paul's Cathedral service whose congregation will be guarded by the fabled Scottish Death Watch Beetle regiment which did the honors at the Queen Mother's funeral back in 2002.
He will be joined by some of the world's most controversial figures including Hugo Chavez's former personal accountant, representing the South American Non-Aligned Crack Barons Association of which Mrs Thatcher was honorary president.
Also attending Wednesday's ceremonial will be dozens of General Pinochet's relatives who owe their immensely comfortable, cosseted existences to decades of Thatcher's largesse via the notorious, Bush family-owned Riggs Bank.
Ecuador's President Rafael Correa is rumored to be sending in an 'immensely grateful' Kerry Kennedy to head a crack squad of his Amazonbotch legal team credited with the continuing attempts to embezzle $19 billion from US super major Chevron.
They'll be joined by an official Vatican delegation representing members of the satanic P2 Lodge whose bagman Roberto Calvi - one of Mrs T's myriad lovers - conveniently 'suicided' himself on her watch at London's Blackfriars Bridge in June 1982.
Thatcher's UK fan club itself will be out in force including members of the 1983 Brink's-MAT bullion robbery team responsible for Heathrow Airport's biggest ever heist. Dozens of the Iron Lady's relatives featherbedded their lives on the proceeds of the theft which remains, officially, one of the country's top 'unexplained' crimes.
Next, a full contingent of grateful IRA supergrasses who benefited from Thatcher's notorious Westminster Homes-For-Votes scam will be headed by its legendary co-mastermind Dame Shirley Porter whose $50 million gerrymandering fine was paid for by the Tel Aviv branch of the Riggs Bank (see General Pinochet, above).
Commenting on the international tone of next Wednesday's affair a UK security analyst said today that all the front pews at St Paul's Cathedral are likely to be occupied by relatives of Thatcher's husband Robert Maxwell - the ex-KGB/Mossad turncoat who famously robbed Daily Mirror pensioners of their entire $800 million retirement fund.
Pride of place will surely go to their daughter Cherie whose daughter Kate Middleton married the Prince William doppelganger spawned by JK Rowling and Tony B Liar.
Missing from the Z-Lister affray will be President George Herbert Bush who's sordid affair with Mrs Thatcher produced one of Scotland Yard's 'most wanted' crooks - and whose life ended in a 'suicide-by-cop' in an armed siege at a London comedy writer's kitchen, circa 1990.
The ailing 89 year-old last bespoiled London's St Paul's Cathedral when attending the funeral of his heroin-addicted daughter Princess Diana, farrowed by ex-UK PM Harold Wilson's secretary Marcia Williams, a cousin of Mrs T.
Further reports about next week's televised event will appear shortly.