Pope Francis today claimed that retired Pope Benedict XVI (pronounced "Zvi") touched him inappropriately during their March 23rd visit. "When I first walked the room, he gave me a big bear hug, which I thought was nice, but then he wouldn't let go," said Francis, whose real name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio, although his friends call him "Bergie."
"He might not look strong, but he's got a grip like a hydraulic press," Francis said of Benedict. After about ten minutes, an aide was finally able to pry two two men apart using a jack handle from the Popemobile. When asked if the two would meet again, Francis simply replied, "I think I'll just text him."