Written by Kevin Murphy
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Monday, 8 April 2013

Tallahassee FL- Speaking at a local Toastmasters meeting, former Republican presidential candidate Rick Santorum made clear his position on the definition, and practice of marriage.

"Marriage is, has been, and shall always be the sacred covenant between one man and one woman.  And while the ideal would be a no-sex marriage, where children are only conceived by the union of virgins and almighty God, we must in 2013 acknowledge that as a practical matter, some-sex marriage is the best alternative we have."

This liberalization on the part of "He who should not be Googled," reflects the GOP's continued attempts to rebrand, and change their message to embrace the nineteenth century.  Santorum went on to explain the circumstances in which he can support the idea of some-sex marriage.

"As long as the sex is initiated by the man, is unprotected vaginal sex in the missionary position, and the clitoris is carefully avoided, then, while it's not okay, it is at least forgivable through confession."

In response to this, sex columnist Dan Savage tweeted: "wow, just fuckin' wow"   

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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