Written by Neil Levine
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Tuesday, 12 September 2006

image for Hillary Clinton To Give White House Tours
Dancing Outside The Isles

A well known location somewhere here on Earth---Hillary Clinton is going to begin giving tours of the White House, her once and future home, to all comers, domestic and foreign..

"Howdy," Hillary greets visitors. "Been there. Done that." She opens the front door. Spots Laura Bush. "Honey, would you. It's over. The gag is up. Your days are numbered." Laura exits left quietly.

Hillary resumes her tour. "As I was saying, this is the people's White House. It belongs to US. Power to the people."

She enters the Ground Floor Corridor. "Ignore the ‘Here Comes Santa Clause' and "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause' decorations. They're George Bush's idea of holiday humor. My tastes, as you know, tends more towards raunchy and rowdy rather than the prim and prissy."

"Next we enter the Library. This is a place to relax or make plans for a hot date or even a good time on the old town. I believe it was here that my man, Bill, enjoyed playing with cigars. Cigars, as you know, are a man's best friend."

"From here, we have a choice of visiting the East Room, the China Room, the Vermeil Room or the Play Room. Plenty of room for all."

"Funny thing, though, of all the White House rooms, it was the Map Room where Bill enjoyed eating his Big Macs. He says there was something homey and inviting in the Map Room. Perhaps it was easy to dry his fingers there. It was also in the Map Room that Bill planned his bombing of that polluted pharmaceutical plant in Somalia to hype his Presidential power. Don't forget, if I were President we would catch Osama with his pants down, no excuses needed."

"Janet Reno loved the Red Room. Man could that woman talk a blue streak. It was there that complained about the lousy PR at Waco. Good thing she was a no nonsense appointee, the life of the Party is more than the law of the land. It's a good old time all the time."

"And in the State Dining Room, we held wild parties and got a couple of big wigs drunk in the Diplomatic Reception Room. Those were the days, my friend. I thought they would never end. But we can bring back the glory that was the Clinton White House and the grandeur of the Party."

"I want to point out we never, ever had illegal immigrants hiding in the China Room. Never. We always paid good wages. Let me tell you."

She continues, "Personally, I love dancing on the South Portico. Such a smooth, slick floor. You feel like your dancing at an Inauguration."

"I hope you enjoyed your little tour. Have a nice day. Vote for me and vote often. Bye."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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