Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Sunday, 7 April 2013

image for Ann Coulter Wants All Cruise Lines Shut Down
The SS Triumph on its way to Cancun, Mexico.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Republican political maven and self-proclaimed GOPrincess Ann Coulter was in the nation's capital speaking against the cruise line industry.

Coulter, who does not have a shy bone in her tall skinny body, spoke to members of The United States Travel Bureau, which is an off-shoot of the government's Trans National Travel Department.

The Republican mouthpiece stated under oath that she feels that it is wrong for the United States government to have to pay for the mess that was recently made by the SS Triumph.

She sucked on a strawberry lollipop as she pointed out that the U.S. Coast Guard had to take time from their other duties in order to help rescue the helpless vessel.

She then took out a fuchsia colored notebook in which she had written that the rescue operation had resulted in a cost of over $2.3 million to the American taxpayers.

Coulter further stated that in order to prevent such monumental oceanic expenditures in the future, the federal government should strongly consider shutting down these private cruise lines or else allow them to be completely taken over by the Department of The United States Navy.

She pointed out that the biggest violators are The Care Free Cruise Lines, The Royal Revelry Cruise Line, The Happy As Heck Ocean Tours, and Zippity Doo Dah Cruises.

A representative for the cruise line industry Josephine M. Overpribble, 51, stated that Ms. Coulter is simply over-reacting as she always tends to do.

She went on to say that the plain looking Coulter is just upset because the majority of the cruise lines are owned by Democrats.

The thrice-married Ms. Overpribble highlighted the fact that the recent streak of bad luck in the cruise line industry can be attributed to three uncontrollable things, Global Warming, El Niño, and La Niña.

She then said that Ann Coulter is a very bitter, frustrated woman due to the fact that she's 51-years-old and is still very much single.

In Other News. Zydeco Dupree writes in his book Trivia Territory that the glue on the back of Italian postage stamps is 3 percent wine.

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