Written by Felix Minderbinder
Print this

Saturday, 9 September 2006

image for George Bush Reveals White House Has Dungeons and Torture Rooms
Dick Cheney tortures the innocent in a White House dungeon

WASHINGTON (AP)--President George Bush on Wednesday acknowledged the existence of secret US prisons run by the CIA where innocent people are regularly tortured and denied all legal rights. In a further shocking admission, he also revealed that his own White House has secret dungeons and torture rooms which are part of the illegal prison network. Bush also admitted that he had authorized the CIA prisons and insisted that they continue to operate to imprison and torture the innocent.

"If you are a Democrat, if you aren't white, if you aren't an oil industry executive, and if you aren't Jewish, then you are gonna get it," he warned reporters at a White House press conference as he held up a pair of pliers and snapped their jaws menacingly. "You're gonna end up in my prisons and you're gonna pay for betraying us."

Bush shrugged at this clear violation of international law, which requires that powers holding prisoners allow the International Red Cross access to all incarceration sites.

The administration is pushing for a bill in response to last June's ruling by the US Supreme Court, which struck down the secret military tribunals established by executive decree shortly after September 11, 2001, on the grounds that they violated fundamental civil liberties guaranteed by the US Constitution as well as Common Article 3 of the Geneva Conventions.

Modeled on laws used in the 3rd Reich, the Bush bill would provide congressional sanction for the military commissions banned by the Supreme Court. The bill would allow the commissions to use evidence obtained through torture as well as hearsay evidence, and deny defendants the right to see evidence used against them.

"All those prisoners deserve to be tortured because they have performed the ultimate sin: they refuse to give us their oil and they are Moslem or something like that," he snarled.

The military commissions have also been used against US citizens as well. Bush did not attempt to explain why his victims could not be tried in normal civilian courts. Yet a civilian court would be obliged to throw out all evidence extracted through the use of Bush's torture teams, and since those held in the secret CIA torture prisons are denied all due process rights.

The US government has engaged in widespread violations of international and domestic law: torture, illegal detentions (including of US citizens), extraordinary rendition, massive spying operations directed against the American population, even though Supreme Court rulings have placed certain limits on the assertion of unlimited powers, and among these was the June ruling against the military commissions.

Make Felix Minderbinder's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 3?

7 8 9 15
41 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more