In a surprise announcement, Taliban militants today said they will discontinue attacks on people and, instead, will form a company specializing in gopher and mole eradication using IEDs.
"We still hate infidels and Western countries, but we hate those damned gophers and moles even more, so now we're going after them," claimed Emad, who didn't want his last name used and also goes by "Corky."
The group plans to advertise their services mostly in local mountainous regions.
"Gophers don't like sand, so our business model suggests that we don't market to dry, sandy areas," said Emad/Corky. "Right now, we have a special offer--we'll rid your property of ten gophers for just $79."
The offer expires Tuesday.