Written by poeticsatire
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Thursday, 28 March 2013

image for Republicans Have Turned into Duck Penises
Penis Envy

Several members of the Republican Party have transformed into duck penises. The mysterious condition began to take hold soon after they expressed outrage at a government funded research project on duck penises.

Like the sexual anatomy of the male duck, the afflicted have taken on an anti-clockwise corkscrew shape which some pschologists believe to be a physical representation of their logic. Several of their human traits remain unchanged: a propensity for premature ejaculations of unfounded accusations and criticisms, and frequent forced entry into situations that do not concern them.

Most dismaying about their condition is a devolved linguistic ability that echoes their world view as humans: the Republican duck penises now have only one phrase in their lexicon: "Forcible Rape." This language is vocalised at various pitches that only they seem to understand. Zoological experts are assuring the public that should this language become a physical expression, the female ducks have ways of shutting the whole thing down ensuring that no unwanted Republican duck babies will be conceived, thus removing the need to provide abortion legislation for ducks. The Republican Party are describing this as "the one silver lining of this whole debacle."

A leading medical scientist hypothesises that this new condition may be "a psycho-physical manifestation of their inordinate fascination with sexuality and reproduction. Their restrictive views appear to have triggered a profound chemical reaction which has reshaped their anatomy into exact models of the duck penis." A cure has yet to be found. However, colleagues of the duck penises are calling for an increase in research funds for duck penis research.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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