Written by Ducksley
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Topics: Death, Contortionist

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

For more than 40 years, Gideon Sunderfirk plied his trade as a circus contortionist, which made his recent death all the more memorable as he became the first human to ever kiss his own ass goodbye.

"It was an extraordinary exit for an extraordinary man," said Sunderfirk's longtime friend Virgil Cramp, who admitted that, in addition to baked beans and midgets with nose rings, he really likes the word "extraordinary."

Yesterday, as Sunderfirk lay in his hospital bed gasping his last breaths, family and friends said the unconscious man suddenly sat straight up and then buried his face between his legs.

"I knew immediately what he was doing. He was kissing his ass goodbye," said Cramp, who said Sunderfirk died seconds later. Services for Sunderfirk will be held as soon as the funeral director figures out how to uncoil him, Cramp said.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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