Written by Neil Levine
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Friday, 8 September 2006

image for Hillary Clinton Talks About Being A Team Player
Hillary Plays Ball

The Playboy Mansion---Hillary Clinton has inveigled her weight into the current political debate by running and offering to sling as much slime as it takes to stake her point.


"No need to be consistent. No need to be hoity toity. Just no need is need enough. I've got the bill and the bill is free. Yes, indeed. Free taxes. Free bennies. Free Willie. That is the way of the world. That is my way. That is the high way. Some thing for no thing. Something for everyone and it's all free."


"All the smudge that's fit to print," is how she puts it. "I favor a piece of this and a piece of that. Piece in our time, that's the ticket. Why when I owned the White House there were pieces innate spread all over the place ready for the plucking. And we had a blast, let me tell you."


"And mud isn't even my favorite media or game. Being a sport, I can tell you I like gamesmanship as much as anyone, especially one-upmanship. If there was ever a specialty tailor made for my talents that's the game."


"Take volleyball, please. Ever been spiked? I like to bat the ball back and forth a couple of times a day until I decide it is time to pack up all my careless whoa and head directly for the hootchie kootchie. Do not pass Go. But you can collect because the going is good. There is them and there are us and we can have it all. It is ours. Let us strike while the irony is hot. Just don't spice the drinks too much and save some moon shine for the after party."


She tosses her hat into the ring.


"My best game is a full court press where the ball is on the line."


"Then there's golf. A hole for one is the best shot unless you're shadow boxing. They can't lay a glove on me. I'm too fast. Too slick. Too hard to pin down."


She immediately changes her position. "They don't have to set anything in concrete. That's for fishes." I say, "It's hard to cook and make love at the same time. So love me or leave me. But don't forget all's fair in a lovely war when you could make love, not war, and don;t forget I'm right."

Hillary checks her watch. "I'm late. I'm late for a very important date. I've got a fund raiser. Just give me the money, honey. No time to say hello. Goodbye, I must be going because when the going gets tough the rough must be going."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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