Written by DP Whitehead
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Topics: New York, Banned, cola

Wednesday, 13 March 2013

image for Obese Tourists Breathe Sigh Of Relief As New York Soda Ban Lifted
Its The Real Thing

24 hours before a ban was set to go into effect in New York City, a state justice has blocked Mayor Michael Bloomberg's controversial regulation curtailing the sale of sodas and other sugary beverages over 16 ounces resulting in a sigh of relief by millions of greedy, obese and unhealthy tourists who had booked trips to the Big Apple.

Donna Chubb, 34, feared she would have to cancel her trip to Manhattan this summer, fearful that she would not get her hit of sugary crap - but now her trip will go ahead.

"I guzzle about a gallon of cola a day" wheezed the flabby secretary from Kentucky "If I could not get my hit of sugary, heart attack inducing, stroke friendly cola then it would have ruined by vacation. Now I can drink as much as I can, when and where I want"

"This is great news" said one roly poly visitor from Florida "I mean, it is un-American, we were raised on this shit and I for one would not have enjoyed my time, panting, huffing and puffing touring New York without my potato chips in one hand and my massive, unnecessary and frankly ridiculously sized drink in the other."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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