Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 14 March 2013

image for Arkansas To Limit Marital Sex To Three Times Per Month
The feet of Hot Springs resident Archie "Champ" Hornpipe, 37, who has fathered a total of 13 children.

LITTLE ROCK - A spokesperson for Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe, has just informed the news media about a new Governor's Directive that will go into effect on Monday, March 25, 2013, at 12:01 a.m.

The GD clearly states that from that date forward, married couples who reside in Arkansas will only be allowed to engage in marital sex three times per month.

State Spokesperson Nellie "Dimples" Migglepick, 42, was asked by Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle why this Governor's Directive was being implemented.

She replied that recent marital sex survey studies that were conducted by the reputable Chicago-based Amalgamated Department of Data Gathering found that Arkansas leads the nation in new births.

Ms. Migglepick, who recently divorced her third husband, Bubba "Earl" Migglepick, 27, commented that the governor and her were both shocked at the survey study results.

She went on to add that the governor decided that a state mandate limiting marital sex to just three times a month has got to be adhered to otherwise by the year 2016, Arkansas's population will surpass the populations of California, Pennsylvania, and Illinois combined.

The spokesperson was asked how such a preposterous directive could possibly succeed.

She smiled, as she took a bite of her Granny Smith apple, and said that the state is banking on married couples adhering to the law because the citizens of Arkansas are honest, law-abiding, and religious.

Miss Swizzle then asked her, "Well how about the state's atheists?"

Ms. Migglepick, put her apple down, raised her eyebrows, and replied, "Well in those three or four cases, I guess we're just screwed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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