Washington - "Could it be be a National Rifle Association Second Amendment acquisition?" the President demanded of US Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel in an emergency conference call today as Comet Pan-STARRS became visible in Northern Hemisphere skies.
"Always suspected that old gunslinger Wayne LaPierre's made pacts with the aliens, Mr President," Hagel replied, "especially now that your POTUS rights to deploy drones against US citizens on their home turf have been confirmed."
This morning's briefing about the comet also saw Obama raise the thorny issue of Pentagon tin foil hatters who suspect the brilliant celestial object is being remote controlled from a NRA hideout close to Roswell's Area 51 base in Nevada.
However long range sensors aboard the International Space Station have indicated the latest sungrazer may be in some sort of electronic contact with 'intelligent lifeforms' in the UK's crop circle etching belt, 'something that precludes any association with militant gun-toting US rednecks' according to NASA transcripts.
Meanwhile in the United Kingdom the comet's transit of Monday's Pisces New Moon is being discussed in an emergency meeting of the COBRA security committee after MoD sources claimed that as far as celestial omens go, this one's the BIGGIE.
"Traditionally, comets are harbingers of doom," Sir Monty Dambusta VC and Bar told assembled officials, "and this one's no different.
"Probably means the Queen is going to snuff it on Monday."