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Thursday, 7 March 2013

image for Texas to Auction off WWII Bazookas
Noppen Doppelkinn, tank commander

Special to TP News - Republican Governor Rick Perry announced that 2,500 surplus World War II-era bazookas will be offered to the public in a special auction. These recoilless-rocket antitank weapons were used extensively against the Nazis during the war. Each bazooka will come with approximately 80 armor-piercing rounds.

Texas Secretary of State John Steen said that the auction will take place on the capitol steps in Austin. Asked if a permit would be required to purchase a bazooka, Steen said, "Hell no. As long as you're white and own a pick-up truck, you're good to go. Don't want no illegals thinkin' they're Federales who can turn Texas into the thirty-second Mexican state."

Noppen Doppelkinn, a captain in the 10th Waffen SS Panzer Division, and a spry 93-year old, recalls the terror of his tank being hit by a bazooka shell: "It scared the scheisse out of me. Mine corporal had a weak stomach and was seated right behind me. He surrendered immediately. Somesing about seeing a sister in the Bronx, although he was in the line of fire, so to speak, from mine gesass." Doppelkinn emigrated to the U.S. in 1947, where he started the national food-store chain, Bratwurst-and-More.

In related news, Governor Perry announced that Texas will strengthen its gun laws by allowing residents to carry no more than six concealed firearms.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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