Written by susan allen-rosario
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Topics: Washington, Nose

Saturday, 2 September 2006

image for FDA warns of the dangers of excessive nose picking
"I became obssessed with 'digging for gold'."

Seattle, Washington - Jason Peters had a habit. It wasn't a very nice habit. His mother told him to use a Kleenex, but he just wouldn't listen. Unlike the nursery rhyme, when he stuck in his thumb he didn't get a plum... he got his own eyeball.

"I became obsessed with ‘digging for gold,' or picking my nose. I did it everywhere, even at the dinner table. My last boss fired me, when I went for it right in front of a perspective client," Mr. Peters said.

The FDA has now issued a warning regarding excessive nose picking and the dangers of this vile habit. "It has reached epidemic proportions and become the newest greatest American past-time. We have no idea why. People are resorting to this very addictive and destructive behavior. It has also become a dangerous distraction. Several serious car accidents have been reported where people trying to flick a bogger, while driving, lost control of their car."

Some states are considering enacting traffic laws to prevent these types of unnecessary accidents due to "flicking." "We are calling them pick and flick laws," one unnamed State Patrol officer reported.

"Last week I saw an accident right in front of me, that was cause by a ‘flicker' trying to get rid of a bogger, from his finger through his sun roof. He lost control of his car and rear-ended the car in front of him. Nobody was hurt, but they were both older cars, so their insurance companies totaled them. It was a costly accident."

One FDA spokesman reported that there does not seem to be any gender or economic bias noted in their studies of "flickers". "This habit crosses all lines. Male, female, young, old, rich and poor."

Workers at the local "Black Bear Car Wash" in Seattle say it has really become a problem when it gets to the "clean up" stage for these drivers. "It 's so gross to have to vacuum these cars out. Boggers clog up the vacuum hose and we have to stop and clean them out. There is nothing worse than a bogger covered with rug fuzz. We place a complimentary box of Kleenex in each vehicle we clean now, but we know these pickers probably won't use it. The same people come back again and again with their rugs full of goo. We call them ‘repeat offenders.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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