Just weeks after the financially struggling US Postal Service said it would have to cease Saturday mail delivery, postal officials now say they don't have the money to deliver the mail at all.
"We're billions of dollars in the hole, and we just can't afford all those trucks and mail carriers anymore, so we'll deliver everything to Steve's house and the American public can pick up their mail there," said Postmaster General Gummo Dunster. "We fill bad about it, but Steve's a nice guy and we think people will really like him," added Dunster.
"Steve" is Stephen DeBloonigan, who told reporters that he's happy to help out. "I've got a couple of spare rooms, so I don't think it will be a problem," he said, after being asked where he will store mail for more than 300-million people.
Dunster said the public can begin picking up their mail at Steve's house beginning June 1st. "You know where that Chevron station is over there on 148th Street? Take the first right just past that and Steve's house is the white one on the left."