Pope Benedict XVI hurried to a waiting helicopter yesterday afternoon after delivering a brief message to the gathered Cardinals waiting to select a new Pope.
Speculation was rampant as to the reason for his brevity and most believed it was due to emotion and fatigue. "Not so," said a spokesman on condition of anonymity.
Evidently the Pope is an avid fan of The Price Is Right and didn't want to miss the last half of yesterday's program. When observed by TV cameras through the helicopter window he was indeed changed into a fuzzy robe and was seen jumping up and down and clapping as the final contestant won a new washer and dryer and a fully paid trip to Disney World for herself and her family.
According to sources within the Vatican the gathering Cardinals were relieved the ordeal was over and when the Pope announced that the next Pope was within this room, several were heard to exclaim, "Well---duh?" Most were huddled with their opposition research teams.
Only Cardinal T. J. McCorkle of North Carolina in the US sat alone. He appeared to be smiling slyly as he puffed on a large hand rolled Havana cigar and blew the smoke up the stove pipe that would announce to the world that a new Pope had been chosen.
"Ain't no use to wait," said McCorkle. "Besides I gotta get back to my room. NASCAR is on TV this afternoon."