Wacko, Texas - (AssoCIAted Mess): Warren Jeffs, the spiritual leader and founding prophet of the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, was behind bars last night after Nevada highway patrol cops busted him for possession of three wigs, fifteen cell phones, $54,000 cash, four portable radios and enough illicit viagra to partially satisfy the female congregation of his the Eldorado Temple which is due for consecration as the Bush dynasty official mausoleum on the fifth anniversary of 9/11.
The move comes after two years on the run when Jeffs was placed on the FBI's Ten Most Wanted Assholes list on charges of rape, conspiracy to pervert, spreading urino-genitary diseases in the name of the Almighty and conspiracy to inflict systematic mind control/abuse of constitutional rights of innocent victims.
Last night Jeffs immediately denied all charges and in a statement via his lawyer vigorously defended the validity of last charge on the grounds that "it is a recognised political tool used by the Bush2 Administration and others before it".
But the denial got him nowehere and the polygamist prophet has remained behind bars, awaiting extradition to Texas to face criminal charges that could put him away for the next 200 years.
Sources close to his legal advisers have claimed, however, that Jeffs intends to fight dirty if the DA throws the full book at him.
Among his plea-bargain trump cards are copies of 'officially missing, believed destroyed' CIA classified files relating to the sex abuse career of George Bush Senior, who fathered the Princess Diana lookalike doppelganger who went on to marry the Pretender to the UK Throne, 'Prince Charles'.
These files allege that the daughter was born to UK Labour Prime Minister's personal secretary, Marcia Williams, later ennobled as Lady Falkender for 'services to organised crime and especially for keeping her mouth shut about Bush's corroborated adventures in Dallas, Texas on the day of 22 November 1963'.
Jeffs' legal team was unavilable for comment about this last night but is understood to be poring over this hush-hish evidence in a plea-bargain attempt to hammer out a minor misdemeanour charge in exchange for destruction of all classified intelligence relating to the Bush shenanigans on the 1960s and beyond.
Most troubling among these classified allegations is that Bush1 recruited and paid Marcial Williams's asshole paedophile son to rape and attempt to murder a senior member of the UK royal family whose lineage threatened the very existence of the Queen Elizabeth II doppelganger lookalike installed by the Tory/Labour wartime co-alition government after King GeorgeVI, his wife and eldest daughter Princess Elzabeth died in a Luftwaffe bombing raid on Buckingham Palace in September 1940.
In the UK the existence of the subsequent rape/attempted murder trial documents is still classified as a national state secret and the perpetrator, who was successfully convicted, eventually re-offended adding bestiality, torture and serial murder to his tally of accomplishments.
His mother, however, was immediately elevated to the House of Lords and became Baroness Falkender....
How Jeffs may have got his grubby polygamist mitts on the CIA's counterpart evidence relating to Bush1's perfidity is not clear.
But a consistent lynchpin in the KGB espionage chain which originally stole and copied much of the relating documents was indetified as being sourced to former massive UK crook Robert Maxwell - who fathered a daughter by Margaret Thatcher who has called herself Cherie Blair for the last 20 years.
As the FBI strains to unravel the complexities of this latest blackmail episode in the long-running history of Texan perverts, wackos and supposed Republican politicians serving the Lord Almighty, medical advisers close to George Bush1's blood-pressure monitor are understood to be in close contact with General Augusto Pinochet's legal advisers, seeking clarification of the finer nuances involved in pleading insanity, senile dementia and frail old age for that seminal moment in political destiny when the Feds come knocking on the old sod's front door.
General Pinochet is under house arrest.