Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 2 March 2013

image for OJ Simpson Caught Trying To Dig His Way Out of Prison
O.J. Simpson's jail cell at the Lovelock Correctional Center is shown at the far right.

LOVELOCK, Nevada - The warden at The Lovelock Correctional Center is reportedly quite upset at the fact that one of his most noted inmates, O.J. Simpson, tried to actually break out of his prison.

Left Coast Mirror Magazine is reporting that Simpson, who is serving a 33 year sentence, was caught trying to dig his way out of his jail cell using an old toothbrush, an egg beater, and a black magic marker.

Warden Maddox B. Custardmeister, 58, told reporters that he was especially disappointed to hear that Champy, as Simpson is known by his fellow convicts, was trying to dig his way out of a prison that is virtually undigable.

The Lovelock warden said that he is really upset because he had allowed the 65-year-old Simpson to have a Super Bowl Party in his jail cell and watch him cheer on the San Francisco 49ers, a team O.J. ended his playing career with back in 1979.

Warden Custardmeister pointed out that he even had one of the prison's most popular transvestite inmates Kirshonna "Sugar Plum" Pettipucker, dress up as a Hooter's girl and serve chips and guacamole dip, along with macho nachos, and wieners-on-a-stick to O.J. and his nine fellow convict guests.

When asked how the prison officials found out about Simpson trying to dig his way out of Lovelock, the warden cleared his throat, took a sip of lemonade, and said that Sugar Plum had informed him through a note written on a pair of black and white bikini thongs.

The warden was asked why she would squeal on a man that she looked up to and admired for allowing her to be his personal waitress.

Custardmeister answered, "Well, it's like this. Simpson told Sugar Plum that he would tip her $17 at the end of the Super Bowl game and he ended up only giving her $3 and half a hug."

SIDENOTE: Reports are that due to Simpson trying to escape he will most probably have an extra two days tacked on to his 33 year jail sentence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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