Written by Ducksley
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Wednesday, 27 February 2013

image for With Defense Cuts Looming, Congress Considers Declaring War on Canada Because "It's Closer Than Afghanistan."

With just two days remaining before $85 billion is cut from the federal budget, members of Congress said today they're introducing measures to lessen the impacts of the sequester.

According to Rep. Rigley Higspirt, one proposal being discussed is to declare war on Canada.

"That 's a big money saver because Canada is a lot closer than Afghanistan," he said. "Hell, our soldiers wouldn't even have to live on a base. They could just live at home and ride a bus or train to the border--think of the jet fuel that will save."

In addition, because government food inspectors would be furloughed, a second measure under consideration would require cows, pigs and chickens to inspect themselves.

"Pigs are smart," said Higspirt. "I wonder if they could inspect the cows and chickens," he said, thinking aloud.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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