Written by Ducksley
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Topics: Health, Death, Cryogenics

Tuesday, 26 February 2013

Six workers at a local cryogenics storage facility are out of a job after being caught bowling with frozen human heads early Tuesday morning.

Police say a security guard heard laughing and shouting around 3:00am and discovered the intoxicated workers in the company parking lot.

"They had set up 'lanes' and were rolling the heads, trying to knock down styrofoam coffee cups they had stacked up at the other end," said police spokeswoman Pollywockus Munger.

Caster Lamprey, the president of Frozen Stiff Cryogenics, said the employees were terminated.

"We won't tolerate this sort of thing. It's not only disrespectful, but it also scuffs the heads."

He added that the three heads involved were immediately placed back in liquid nitrogen. "They weren't out of the tank long enough to thaw," Lamprey said.

Two of the heads were undamaged, but Lamprey said an eyebrow snapped off the third.

"It was from the head in Tank #7. I think his name was Bob," said Lamprey. "He'll be pissed if he's ever revived."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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