HOLLYWOOD, CA - Not to be outdone by her husband, Michele Obama took to the stage at the Oscars, delivering the award for "Best Picture" via satellite from her Celebration Ball, her nightly black-tie affair at the White House to commemorate her presumed fame. And, like her husband did during his recent State of the Union address, she punctuated her speech with a nearly nine-and-one-half minutes of maniacal laughter.
"It was a bit awkward," Oscars host Seth McFarlane told reporters after the ceremony's end. "We were all set up for this bit where Ted - the animatronic bear puppet from my recent blockbuster - was going come out onstage, do a couple of fart jokes, and then get caught groping what little there is to grope of Gwyneth Paltrow. All of a sudden, I look up and see our satellite broadcast had been seized by the White House. None of us knew this was happening. None of us knew what to do. There was kind of this big 'end of the world' feeling spreading across the arena, and the producer said to just go with it."
Ms. Obama - better known by industry insiders as by her stage name of 'Butty McClure' - then took the occasion to deliver nine-and-one-half minutes of uninterrupted laughter. The guffaw brought about three standing occasions, the first at the 2:10 mark by Susan Sarandon, the second at the 5:37 mark by Martin Sheen, and the last at the 7:13 mark by Betty White.
"Argo," the picture directed by Ben Affleck better known by its brief theatrical release in China as "Hollywood Saves the World" won Best Picture. However, when Affleck and producers tried to take to the stage for their acceptance speeches, members of the Secret Service immediately seized them and hauled them backstage. As of this morning, Affleck and others have yet to be released from custody.
"Affleck and his cronies should've known better than to rush the wife of the most powerful man in human history," Secret Services' spokesperson Tague Llewelyn said. "They'll think twice about it next time, I'm sure."