Written by Dr. Billingsgate
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Topics: New York

Friday, 15 February 2013

image for Mayor Bloomberg's Revolving Fire Hydrants Causing Problems For Dogs In NYC
Fire Hydrant

BILLINGSGATE POST - Determined to stop dogs from urinating on freshly painted fire hydrants, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg ordered the installation of revolving fire hydrants in the Central Park area of Manhattan.

On a sidewalk where many of the rich and famous have their dogs walked, Bloomberg installed 20 of these revolving fire hydrants to test their effect on the mutts who had for years used them to empty their bladders.

Most of the dogs, but especially the large Poodles, had difficulty maintaining their balance as they lifted their back leg to pee. As their target revolved, they were unable to keep up while trying to walk on three legs. Some became so dizzy that they fell over in their own waste. After two or three attempts, most of the dogs gave up on the fire hydrant and pissed on the legs of vagrants who offered a stationary target.

Mayor Bloomberg decided to go forward with this program since, not only did it prevent dogs from pissing on the hydrants, it also caused the vagrants to move out of Manhattan into less genteel boroughs, like the Bronx.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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