Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 15 February 2013

image for The Smelly Cruise Ship Triumph AKA The USS Porta Potty Finally Docks at Mobile, Alabama
The Triumph, AKA The USS Porta Potty shown heading for the port of Mobile, Alabama.

MOBILE, Alabama - After being out on The Gulf of Mexico for five days stinking up the place, the Carnival ship Triumph AKA The USS Porta Potty has finally docked at Mobile, Alabama.

A representative for the city of Mobile, Fayleen Charleen Winterbutter, 43, told the assembled throng of reporters that the city had spent over $114,000 on cases and cases of Lysol Disinfectant to spray all over the dock where the smelly vessel was to anchor.

Mrs. Winterbutter stated that the stench from the hundreds and hundreds of overflowing toilets was so bad that adult seagulls could be seen sitting on the ground covering their noses with their wings.

Tapioca Swizzle, a reporter with Tittle Tattle Tonight said that on a scale of 1 to 10 the nauseating odor was a 13. She noted that even a man wearing a Haz-Mat outfit started coughing like hell.

The 893 foot long ship carried 3,143 smelly passengers and 1,086 smelly crew members.

Many of the passengers were met by relatives, friends, and neighbors. Miss Swizzle reported that she counted at least 117 lawyers who were passing out their business cards like Black Jack dealers handing out playing cards in Las Vegas.

The vessel reportedly lost power when a fire broke out in the engine room. Rumors are that one of the cabin boys, identified as Vogosco Stuptinovac, 19, from Herzegovina was seen smoking a Marlboro Light prior to the fire.

The Triumph, which was nicknamed The Toilet by most of the passengers was 150 miles off Mexico's Yucatan Peninsula when the fire broke out.

The mayor of Cozumel reportedly told the ocean liner's captain that his big, fat stinking ship was not welcome in Cozumel and to steer it away from his wonderful, luxurious city or he would have a Mexican submarine sink the putrid-smelling son-of-a-gun.

The mayor later told a reporter for CNN that he was just making a funny submarine joke.

After the 14-story tall cruise ship docked in Mobile, a representative for Carnival stated that each passenger would have their ticket price refunded plus they would each get $497.35 in cash.

He also noted that each passenger would be receiving in the mail, a $50 gift certificate to Long John Silver's and a commemorative I Survived The Triumph's Overflowing Toilets! T-shirt.

SIDENOTE: Comedian Zydeco Dupree stated that the whole malodorously rank incident certainly gives new meaning to the nautical term, The Poop Deck.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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