WASHINGTON, DC - In a bold attempt to silence his critics, U.S. President Barack Obama delivered a nine-and-one-half minute bout of non-stop maniacal laughter during this past Tuesday evening's "State of the Union" address. The laughter - termed 'his inevitable release' by White House spokesperson Jay Carney - received no less than three separate standing ovations during its occurrence led by the former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.
"You have to understand that the President is a very complex and evil thinker," Carney said Wednesday from his podium at the White House. "During his first term, he played his cards very close to his chest - as the saying goes regarding poker - but now that he's won the election all bets are off, as they say. He's free to be exactly who he wants to be. He's free to pursue whatever legacy he sees fit upon this great nation of ours, and I think members of the Republican Party would be fools to underestimate how closely the American people support his agenda."
The said laughter began not long after the President was announced for his address to the joint chambers of Congress. The first ovation, led by Ms. Pelosi and seconded by First Lady Michelle Obama, last for the first three of the nine-and-one-half minutes. The second began roughly at the 5:13 mark, just after Mr. Obama paused to wipe tears from his eyes, and it last for two minutes. The third began at the 8:40 mark and continued until the highest elected official in the land stopped.
Once he stopped crying, Speaker of the House John Boehner refused to comment on what precisely he thought the President's nine-and-one-half minutes of maniacal laughter meant or what it could mean for future negotiations involving the sequester or the 'Fiscal Cliff.'