Written by Ducksley
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Tuesday, 12 February 2013

"The robber burst through the doors and ordered us all to lie on the floor or else he'd shoot us," said Skweezola Bank customer Altima deNissan, adding, "It was horrible."

According to police, the robbery was actually staged by the bank manager who simply wanted to save on floor cleaning costs. "She had a friend play the part of the robber and made sure he ordered everyone to lie on the floor," police said, referring to bank manager Nougat Rooger-Pisp.

Investigators said they became suspicious after speaking with frightened customers. "They all said the robber kept shouting at them, 'Don't just lie there!' and ordered them to keep rolling around on the floor and pointing out spots they had missed," said police sergeant Luper Bathmoor.

Bathmoor said Rooger-Pisp admitted her involvement during an interview. "She broke down crying and said, 'Do you know how much it costs to get a tile floor cleaned and waxed?'."

Police said that, in addition to whatever sentence she receives, it's likely that Rooger-Pisp will have to pay customer's laundry bills.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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