Written by dutch
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Topics: Pope, Armageddon

Tuesday, 12 February 2013

image for The Final Pope Is Coming!!!
Do you want fries with that?

Hysteria has been caused in some areas of the United States and in Ireland by the resignation of Pope Benedick the 16th. The Mayor of Boston,Thomas Menino has had to contend with the blizzard and now wacky rumours that we are entering the end times. He has had to apologise for all the confusion, "I am sorry we have been so slow clearing away the snow and I apologise for the scare about the zombies. My advice is don't venture out and do not open your door to the undead."

After the resignation of Pope Benedick the sixteenth sects have gone into lock down and are claiming that the next pope with be the Anti-Christ and they are preparing to survive in their underground shelters. A conspiracy theorist is saying, "people are doing what they can do."

The Catholic Church has been thrown in to disarray about the coming of the final pope who will preside over the 'end of days'. Father Ted from Holy Star of the Sea Church in Armagh has commented, "I am holding an all night vigil to pray that our Lord will help all the troubled souls worried that it is the end of the world.

American survivalists have stocked up with plenty of guns and ammunition and have stocked up their underground bunkers with a three month supply of tinned food and bottled water.

A radio station has warned its listeners to be on their guard in case there is a 'zombie apocalypse' and the 'undead' come back to life if Armageddon is at hand.

The Obama's have been seen stocking up at Cost Co with hundreds of cans of soup; along with some luxury items such as jars of caviar and packets of smoked salmon; and dozens of bottles of champagne. A supervisor from Cost Co said "Michelle Obama requested that the consignment is delivered post haste to Denver, Colorado. It is rumoured that the Obamas will be retreating to their underground bunker under Denver Airport. There is enough room for the entire Obama posse to decamp there for the foreseeable future. Queen Michelle has ensured that her hairdresser, and her French Chef, along with her butler and manicurist and personal trainer are given priority.

A few hangers on such as Beyonce and Jay-Z are also going to be given 'special dispensation'.

If needs be President Obama will give his "State of the Union" speech from the underground bunker and he will announce that he has no choice but to implement martial law.

Alex Jones commented, "It is as I have been warning you, the ones that die will be the lucky ones. Make sure that you flee to the mountains or up to Lake Titicaca, the American Stone Henge; the aliens will take you up in their special 'arks' or flying saucers."

Mitt Romney is worrying that the great tribulation will be sparked off by Iranian terrorists igniting a nuclear bomb in New York, he said, "Obama is being cowardly retreating to his bunker whilst our great civilisation is being destroyed, he is fiddling whilst Rome burns."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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