Believing that all embryos are viable human beings, (real living, thinking people, just a wee bit short of a mooring pier for growth and development) and that using one for scientific stem cell research is comparable to murder;
sound effects: rifle shot; snap of a hang man's noose; guillotine slice; S.E.C. investigation;
George and Laura Bush have decided to adopt one of these petrie dish guys and provide it with a wholesome family environment, instead of allowing it to remain eternally frozen in a silent isolated cybernetic dungeon like vacuum. "That's just no place for a kid."
Pooling their creative talents together, George and Laura have settled on the name Stemmie for their newly adopted no growth kid. Though about the size of a flea and frozen in an ice cube, little Stemmie Bush will remain on display over the fireplace mantel in the upstairs family quarters and travel everywhere aboard Air Force One. Laura plans to read children's books to Stemmie, while George will take Stemmie shrub cutting, fishing and golfing. Housed in cylinder the size of a tuna fish can - with constant oozing white gases - the sinister, silent, smoking tin can drew sideways glances at its first State dinner, a southern Senator announcing, "That kid's going to end up in Juvi."
Target, always high on the fashion curve and in making a profit, decided to introduce a wardrobe for Stemmie Bush and other adopted embryos, using the sunny yellow Burberry plaid: a plaid wrap for sporting events; a plaid wrap sprinkled with sequins for black tie events. Burberry is suing claiming they hold the exclusive rights to the yellow plaid.
Sound effects: judge's gavel; Wall Street bell ringing; S.E.C. investigation.
During a sweltering hot August day, while attending a barbecue on the Crawford, Texas ranch, Dick Cheney barreled through the Bush house, searching for ice cubes for his Shirley Temple, and eyed Stemmie Bush sitting smugly on the fireplace mantel wearing a yellow plaid pancho with a duck feather attached.
Sound effects: rifle shot; snap of a hang man's noose; guillotine slice.
Mel Gibson will speak at the requiem, followed by another apology. Tom Cruise will make a 200 million dollar horror film about the Stemmie Bush demise. George and Laura will adopt Stemmie II.
"Have no doubt about it, I did not know the gun was loaded."