Written by dutch
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Sunday, 10 February 2013

image for Chris Christie To Have A Gastric Band

New Jersey governor Chris Christie has angrily defied critics who have said that he is too fat to be president. He has admitted that he is addicted to 'Krispy Kreme Donuts' and is proud of it.

Poor governor Christie has been 'fair game' to critics telling him that he is too obese to have any credibility as a candidate for the Republican crown. He said that after being a national laughing stock for being so over-weight and jolly on the David Letterman show he has seen the error of his weight.

After her husband made a fool of himself on Letterman and her husband told a government doctor to 'shut up' and 'mind her own business' Chris Christie's wife said that he either had obesity surgery or she would divorce him.

Shocked Christie fearing ridicule and losing his lovely wife and family was forced into seeing his doctor and asking to be referred for a gastric band. However, the chubby governor still is pigging out on Ben and Jerry's ice cream in the interim before surgery. He has worked out that after he has had surgery he can still consume cholesterol but only in a liquid form. Hence, he has ordered a powerful smoothie maker so that he can make chocolate smoothies of his favourite candy treats.

His dietician is said to be bracing herself for an up-hill struggle to get Chris Christie to be able to lose any weight. She said, "I have told him that he must not liquidise chocolate and double cream and make smoothies but to no avail."

Poor Christie will have to learn some self-control if he is ever to be a serious contender for President. However, some fatties have come to his defence and said two-thirds of Americans are overweight and the president should be representative of his people.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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