Written by dutch
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Thursday, 7 February 2013

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Little Lindsay Lohan has startled fans by saying that she has had to endure being abducted by aliens on numerous occasions. The troubled star said that it had gone back to the height of her career when she was a shiny new starlet in "Mean Girls".

She had been regressed during hypnosis with her shrink and had recalled an alien space craft hovering over her Los Angeles home. She recalled being placed onto an operating tables and having a tube probing her ovaries and stealing her eggs. An emotional Lindsay said, "I have such a sense of loss somewhere there are star children walking around with my appearance and my fragile beauty. I feel violated as if my children have been stolen from me and have such a sense of sadness and melancholy. Just think there could be hundreds of little mini-me's walking around never knowing the beautiful, soul of their mother."

Little Lindsay has been backed up by 'mad' Charlie Sheen who has said that he has had similar absences when he has felt 'violated' and felt, "drained of his tiger blood DNA and his little sperms". Charlie said, "I had a similar experience to Lindsey's I was a huge star of Two and A Half Men and one night I experienced an alien abduction in my trailer. I woke up on a shiny spaceship on a cold, operating table and these weird octopus creatures were decanting my sperm and waving their tentacles around."

Charlie has taken reassurance from the fact that pal Lindsay has also been an alien abductee. He said, "In a parallel universe star children who are like me and lovely, fabulous Lindsay are able to obtain perfection and satisfy their inner-child. A union of our progeny could be a gift to our galaxy and to planet earth."

Charlie said that scientists said that it was possible that intelligent life which originated and was seeded on planet earth and could be regenerating new planets and improving the universe and the Big Bang was working its magic in other star-systems. He said, "Lindsay and I are meant for each other and we both have deep awareness of the meaning of life and the universe and the Big Bang and of how energy became matter."

Scientists do not have any theories of what has happened to the star children which were 'de-seeded' from celebrities. However, they have commented that perhaps Tom Cruise and the Scientologists or Mitt Romney and the Mormon's have the answer.

Numerologist and channeling expert Shirley McClain commented, "The inner beauty and souls of these talented people is present in the universe and will make itself known to mankind."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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