Written by Dontquotemenews
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Thursday, 7 February 2013

Jay Stillman has had enough. The veteran couch potato from Beeville, Texas, has changed his weekly order for seven buckets of chicken wings.

"I'm cutting down to six buckets until they lower the price. Someone has to take a stand," he said.

Across America couch-bound men like Stillman are protesting at the soaring cost of chicken wings. "The Super Bowl was the last straw. When I found out how much they were charging for wings I would've fallen off my couch if didn't have a gallon of soda and two bags of chips sitting on my chest."

Manufacturers claim that the increases are caused by more expensive chicken feed, but the argument is met with derision from the nation's sagging couches.

Companies are desperately trying to come up with solutions.

"We are looking at alternatives including Canadian goose wings and pigeon wings, but it's an uphill battle to change customer tastes," said Andrea Frydeep, a spokesperson for chicken wing producers.

Another idea is to genetically alter chickens so they grow four wings per bird. "But that will take years to perfect, and our customers won't wait that long," said Frydeep.

Stillman agrees. "I'll give them one month to cut the price. If nothing happens then I'll take the nuclear option - triple crust herd-of-meat pizza with manhole cover-sized garlic bread and no buckets."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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