Written by neilhiatt
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Topics: Drugs, funny

Saturday, 2 February 2013

image for Area Man High on Life, PCP

OGDEN, UT- With a spring in his step and a song in his heart, area man Brandon Davis, 30, is high on life, PCP.

"I feel great," said Davis, whose outlook derives from fresh air, warm sunshine, and 5 to 10mg of phencyclidine. "It's like I could take on the whole world!"

According to Davis--an otherwise mild-mannered neighbor, hobbyist, and recreational drug user--it's his newfound appreciation for life that has him seeing, "color, splendor, and thousands upon thousands of spiders," in the world around him.

"It just hit me. I love everything around me. I have so much strength and energy. I feel so pumped!" said Mortensen, attributing his feelings of invulnerability and euphoria to life, instead of the industrial-strength hallucinogenic coursing through his bloodstream.

"He's, like, a whole new person," said neighbor Tacia Kimball. "He just has so much extra pep these days...and saliva...and vomit."

Davis told reporters that he always feels this way after a long walk through the park, where he can breathe in the world around him and see everything that a just and loving God has created, including his dealer, Sweet Blade.

"It's good to see Brandon so happy," said Sweet Blade while measuring out saleable quantities of angel dust. "Just goes to show what an enthusiastic attitude can do for a person."

At last report Brandon was seen speaking, nude, to his community about how a positive outlook on life can bring the change you want in the world.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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