New York NY - Police attempted to restore order today in Times Square amid a tumult of rioting fat people. Spokesperson Ms. Phat Derrierey explained why protest had turned to violence.
"It's that ban an large sugary drinks. We all decided that enough is enough and we are not going to take it any more. They can take away our assault shakers, but they can't ban our favorite beverage, the giant cola from the corner store.", Ms. Phat told us at the scene.
The rioters, armed with empty glass bottles of soda that had contained sugary drinks, made from real sugar from Mexico, were setting cars on fire and cracking heads of drink enforcers.
Perhaps adding to to violence of the crowd were the giant drinks they had purchased sweetened with aspartame, a controversial substance not banned under the New York law.