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Thursday, 31 January 2013

No one was injured yesterday when a group of Civil War re-enactors scuffled with approximately two dozen Radio Shack managers. The groups were attending separate conventions at the downtown Bradford Dillman Convention Center and began fighting while waiting in line for the buffet lunch, police said.

Civil War re-enactor Gideon Buck, whose real name is Humphrey Seefert, said he feared for his life. "One Shacker got mad because he thought I cut in the buffet line and he pointed what looked like a gun at me, so I drew my plastic calvary saber in self defense." But Kelvin Pirney, the Radio Shack manager who tussled with Buck, denied having a gun. "It was just a Velleman handheld pocket oscilloscope," he explained. "Plus, he tried to cut off my name tag lanyard with his saber."

Police broke up the scuffle and no one was hurt. "Some mashed potatoes were spilled and we found a small robot in the punchbowl, but that's about it," said Officer Huck Diffdistifter. He added that the Civil War re-enactors left to bivouac at a nearby Walmart parking lot and they expected no further problems.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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