Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 30 January 2013

image for Rush Limbaugh Denies The Gay Rumors
Limbaugh reportedly smokes nine, 12-inch cigars daily. (Photo courtesy of Bill O'Reilly).

SAN FRANCISCO - Conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh was in The City By The Bay taking a tour of the long abandoned Alcatraz Federal Prison.

Limbaugh has always been fascinated by the island prison that housed such infamous inmates as Al Capone, George "Machine Gun" Kelly, and Robert Stroud alias, The Birdman of Alcatraz.

The Rock, as Alcatraz was nicknamed by famed movie star Clark Gable operated between 1934 and 1963.

It was finally closed due to the fact that the pigeon population had gotten way out of hand and there were pigeon droppings and pigeon feathers all over the place.

It got so bad towards the end that visitors had to wear a type of pre-Haz-Mat suit while visiting the infamous prison.

Limbaugh said that as a young boy growing up in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, he dreamed of one day becoming a prison guard at Alcatraz.

He stated many times to his parents, grandparents, and a funny uncle that he did not want to grow up to become a doctor, a lawyer, or an auto mechanic.

While touring the legendary prison Limbaugh was approached by Redwood Fingerboo, a reporter with The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle. He was asked for his views on gun control.

El Rusho went on a 13 minute rant about why he felt that gun control was as useless as a Howie Mandel comb.

He was then asked about the rumors circulating throughout the nation that he could possibly be of the gay persuasion.

Limbaugh quickly took the 12-inch thick cigar out of his mouth and shook his head. He remarked that those rumors have haunted him ever since back in 1993, when he and Bill O'Reilly were caught playing leap frog in their underwear at The Rosa Parks Park in Cicero, Illinois.

Rush went on to say that if he was gay he would look like Richard Simmons, or Boy George, or a huge, fat version of Clay Aiken.

In Other News. Gisele Bundchen is happy to announce that her husband New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady has finally stopped his hunger strike after being embarrassed by the Baltimore Ravens. Bundchen who is a tampon model told Sports Territory Magazine that yesterday her sulking husband ate three M&M's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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